Almost every one of my best friends has disappeared on me.

Completely disappeared.

Lauren is mostly who I’m thinking of.

She’s.

Just gone.

And it hurts so much.

I don’t want to do anything. Put effort into anything.

At all.

I feel so alone.

I really fucking need a cigarette.

And a razor.

And to die.

I really hate myself right now.

so i’ve been smoking a lot of pot

and a lot of cigarettes.

welp.

casually makes bad decisions.

You said that if I smoked weed again, you’d tell whoever you could to stop me.

I realize that doing drugs when you have bpd can be dangerous

but

i really kind of need them right now.

everything feels wrong.

I need to make things right again.

I need to find that balance again.

I don’t know how to do that anymore without help.

So I just won’t let you know what I’m doing.

dustin and vanessa want to smoke weed with me.

i might do it, actually.

i’m not sleeping.

i physically can’t sleep.

that’s how you know something is really, really wrong.

only i don’t really know what that is, yet.

but it’s always been a red flag for me.

don’t cut

it’s been so long don’t cut